The idea that men marry for legacy while women marry for love is uncomfortable, but discomfort often signals truth. Men are generally raised to think in terms of structure: bloodlines, names, assets, continuity, and impact beyond their lifetime. For many men, marriage is therefore a strategic decision tied to legacy, not simply an emotional one. Love may be present, but it is rarely the foundation. Legacy is.
Women, on the other hand, are socialized differently. We are taught to love first and assess later, to nurture without guarantees, and to believe that devotion and sacrifice will eventually secure commitment. From an early age, women are praised for endurance, patience, and loyalty. As a result, many women give freely of their time, emotional labour, youth, and sadly, even their wombs, believing that love alone will translate into permanence. But love does not automatically equal legacy placement.
A woman can give a man everything, that’s children, unpaid labor, emotional support, and years of her life, and still not be seen as part of his long-term plan. This is not always because she lacked value, but because she was never positioned as foundational within his vision of the future. She was useful, but usefulness does not guarantee protection. A man does not marry a woman because of what she has already given; he marries her because of how he sees her fitting into his vision, his legacy.
Women often ask emotional questions in relationships, “Does he love me? Is he kind? Does he treat me well? While important, these questions are incomplete. Men often ask legacy questions instead: “Does she align with my future? Will she strengthen or complicate my trajectory? Does she fit the life I am building? When those questions go unanswered or are answered negatively, relationships stall, regardless of how much love or time has been invested.
This imbalance becomes painfully clear when death enters the picture. The law does not recognize emotional labour, loyalty, or sacrifice. It recognizes contracts, legal structures, and names. Many women learn too late that motherhood does not guarantee security, that love does not ensure inheritance, and that devotion does not protect against displacement.
This is not an attack on men, but an exposure of a systemic imbalance. Men are encouraged to protect their futures; women are encouraged to preserve relationships. Legacy-mindedness is not heartlessness; it is strategy. The problem is that women are discouraged from adopting the same mindset and are often made to feel selfish or unromantic for wanting structure and clarity.
The essential question women must learn to ask is simple but confronting: If this man were to die tomorrow, where would that leave me? If the answer is uncertainty, dependency, or nothing, then love alone is not enough. Marriage is not just a ceremony; it’s a legal and social acknowledgment of inclusion in a man’s life continuum.
Women deserve both love and legacy. Love is beautiful, but legacy is protection. And it’s time our women think about legacy.
and then 