Yes, siree! From my conversations with sundry preachers, pastors, ministers, et al., I, Abraxas the Knowing, have concluded that all kinds of hallucinations wrack many a dying human. Maybe it’s an end-of-life chemical imbalance. But what in Sam Hill do I know? I can tell you that from the many conversations, these “experts on dying” noted that one of the most important things about humans is “regret for not doing something they wanted to do” before they said bye-bye, croaked, went to their maker, etc., etc.
Yeah. Nobody wants to spend their final days of life lamenting experiences they could have had. But EXACTLY, what regretful experiences? It turns out animal milking – pulling tits, teats, udders, and breasts – seems to be a widespread regret. So, I, Abraxas the Inquisitive, naturally asked: what animals? Well, just so you know, it’s not cats, dogs, snakes (though how you’ll milk a snake is beyond me), or little critters like guinea pigs, hedgehogs, or birds. Luckily, a good nurse familiar with these deathbed things was kind enough to give me a list of these animals.
1. Pigs – huge ones
According to end-of-life nurses (and some pastors), when some poor sinner gets ready to face the music at the Pearly Gates, one frequent regret is that they never got to wrap their fingers around a pig’s engorged udders and really “get down,” milking-wise. Of course, most of those getting ready to die were men – obviously with a life-long fixation and proud fanaticism on the female mammary glands as “breast men.” How
pigs came into the mix is a bit perplexing. They regret the procrastination because they thought: “‘I’ll milk out some sweet piggy’s breast milk next weekend when I don’t have so much work to do.” They just never got around to it. So, it’s all they can think about as they lie in bed, too weak and sick to milk anything, much less a 500-pound piggy with 12 squealing piglets. What a sad way to die!
2. Elks
PLEASE NOTE: To someone dying, there is the verbal hallucination that “elk” sounds like “milk.” At least, that’s what those preaching guys have told me. Senses get really, really warped. People “see things” (what things I was not advised). So, I can conclude that a lot of people regret not milking elks on account that, to them, it also sounds like “milk.” Yes, everyone who lives an entire life has the time to milk an elk. No, if, and, or buts. If you end up in a cancer ward crying, regretting, and angry with yourself for never doing it, even just once, that’s on you. Your excuses: Too much emphasis on work, family responsibilities, or plain laziness; at the end of the day, all that is moot. You are dying and never milked an elk when you had the chance to do it. Boo-Hoo!
3. Kangaroos – where in God’s name are their udders?
This one I, Abraxas the Non-Pulsed, had some trouble with. I chalked it down to the death-bed hallucinations. One preacher told me that he’d witnessed a withered, terminally ill guy all hooked up to a bunch of tubes and pumps, involuntarily urinating into a wad of gauze tied around his waist (for some unknown reason, they call them adult pampers), mustering whatever little oxygen they can to desperately inquire about whether kangaroos keep their udders hidden in their pouches or if they’re somewhere else. Maybe down by their genitals? And, my dear gentle people, because most humans live for around 4,000 weeks on average, it’s tragic that many never think to set aside even a single week for milking kangaroos. You should have done it to a marsupial. Now you are, well, screwed.
****************
Well, look at that! Just imagine Jeshus on Facebook! One serious God-man told me, Abraxas, the Unbeliever, that he was royally pissed because some dying folks, not content with regretting not milking things – including themselves – are unhappy in these last hours about Jesus being on Facebook. According to this irate pastor, he was angry over the meme on Facebook that condensed the “Good Book” of 1,200 pages of messages down to a digital graphic of a red, blood-soaked “Jeshhus” on the Cross. That and the www.JeshusIamComingBack.com embossed in white letters just where they nailed his feet.
He told me that for centuries, scholars and others have been trying to understand the Bible’s nearly 800,000 words, seeking to gather and comprehend the wisdom therein. Now a new Facebook page called “Jesus Speaks” has captured the Bible’s scriptures about hope, love, discipline, creation, life, and death in a single image. It’s even gotten its own AI bot found at “JeshusSpeaks.io.”
The AI-generated Jeshus on the Cross, and the caption, he lamented, was just “way out of line” for decent people to accept, and he’s decided to write to Facebook to upgrade its algorithm to portray the Son in a more favorable light. And, he told me, for good measure, he’s very opposed to the Times New Roman font. They should have used a font like “Arial” instead (it sounds like one of the Archangel’s names, too!).
But the fact is that this FB post now has over 150,000 shares (and counting) and 900,000 comments. Most comments say “amen,” making it clear that people could care less or that it’s the safest word to latch on to in their ignorance. To me, Abraxas the Knowing, it’s pretty clear that the Bible is now not very important to most people and may be replaced by something created from its data by a “machine-learned” AI bot that spins things in a very different way. Me? How cool would it be to milk a rhinoceros?
My Column 21st Century Capitalism: People as Commodities
An Essay By Michael Derek Roberts I recently heard a Black man extolling his love of capitalism, especially U.S. capitalism, because “here in America you could be anything, and that capitalism works for everybody.” This supremely ignorant man, high on the Kool-Aid of slick relentless media-driven propaganda, bought into the myth that if you work hard, save money, and play by the rules, you could realize the American Dream. It’s a viral meme used to obliquely paint Black and brown people as “lazy, unable to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and whose poverty was because they just did not apply themselves enough.” That meme is now re-branded, re-packaged, and re-promoted in a series of carefully constructed content designed to beat back the rapacious re-engineered response of global capitalism and the acute, global struggles of the working classes. Capitalism began with people being simply commodities only useful to the production of goods and services for resale for profit. The problem with 21st-century capitalism is that starvation wages that have kept so many millions of workers in abject poverty were self-defeating. Still, commodities are expendable and only useful when it comes to profit-making. So, Artificial Intelligence and robotics are the two 21st-century inventions that will displace disposable human workers and are slated to produce more profits for the capitalist class. The looming problem in this respect is what to do with the “large, angry, and militant army of the unemployed poor.” But this is also an inherently stupid thing. When capitalism produces goods and services that workers and the vast majority of the population are unable to buy,
then capitalist profits will dwindle while, at the same time, agitation and strife by workers on the ground will rise. The age-old contradiction between labor and capital will be aggravated, causing serious problems for capitalists AND governments in power solely “elected” to do the bidding of the capitalist class. Today, like in the 19th and 20th centuries, the world’s people are divided into markets where the capitalist classes can dump cheap goods and services. But there is yet another serious development for global capitalism – monopoly capitalism. Greed and rapaciousness within the capitalist classes themselves have spawned their internal contradictions. These contradictions have caused this tiny plot of greed-driven capitalists to CONSOLIDATE and CONTROL entire huge industries. This means that there is very little competition in many industries, so prices have continued to rise as capitalists seek to wring more and more profits from an already impoverished class. For example, while everyone has been fed the corporate-controlled media misinformation of COVID-19 and other issues driving high food prices, the truth is that global food prices are set by a small group of capitalists that own large sections of the food industry. Amazon, Walmart, etc., can and do price-gouge to make more and more profits. And they gobble up any small or medium-sized business that may be a potential challenge – limited though that is – to their monopoly control. Remember Facebook buying up WhatsApp and Instagram? Remember Google buying YouTube? Large corporations – Fortune 500 companies – routinely quash any competition by buying potential challengers to their dominance. And don’t count on the government to help. Here in the United States, governments do not act in the interests of
the people who supposedly elected them. On December 15, 2022, the US Government Accountability Office released a report on the Internal Revenue Service’s (IRS) failings in “providing customer service to taxpayers.” This begged the question: Are U.S. taxpayers “customers?” My answer: Yes, they are. The truth and fact of the matter are that ANY government can be run like a business. The U.S. and western governments ARE run like a business, albeit evil. And like every business, it needs customers. But here’s the problem: governments were never set up or meant to make a profit. But the corruption by large corporate entities has forced governments to adopt and institute the “best corporate/market practices” of capitalism. Today, when top lawmakers in the United States Congress leave their jobs, they routinely go to one of the top national capitalist-controlled cable TV networks as “senior correspondents” and “political commentators” raking in six-figure incomes in an obscene incestuous coupling. But I can distill all this down in simple, understandable terms. As a United States and Corporate America customer, you are a gullible taxpayer who is lied to at every turn, exploited for your pittance, and milked like a goat or cow every day – non-stop. As a potential “criminal-in-waiting,” you’re a product that the taxpayer will pay for since your taxes will go to “safeguard public safety and law and order.” And finally, a prospective military conscript, you’re a lamb groomed, fattened, and conditioned for the slaughter. Of course, the “American family” is lauded and celebrated as important in this context, for without it, there can be no “stock replenishment” to continue this
horrible system cycle of people as commodity use, disposable, and unending.
and then 